So you have an injury? Well guess what? They sell all sorts of make up at a party store. If you want to show your "bruise" or burn to your work(to make it more convincing), go out there, buy the make up and follow instructions while putting the make up on! You want more than one day off eh? The first day you get off, go and buy the make up then do a good job putting it on, then preferably get someone to drive you to work and show your employers what happened to you. If you have to find crutches to get some days off, do it! Buy the make up and medical wrap to fake the excuse perfectly.

1. I can't come into work today my back is killing me and I can't even get up to walk.

2. I won't be able to come into work today, my arthritis is terrible, worse than its ever been, I cannot walk.

3. I can't come into work today, my back gave out on me while I was bowling last night.

4. I won't be coming into work today, I missed a step walking out of my house this morning and sprained my ankle.

5. I cannot come into work today, I fell off a ladder last night working on the side of my house, now my _______(back/ankle/wrist) is hurting very much and I'm going to the doctor to get some medication for the pain.

6. I won't be coming into work today, I fell in the shower this morning and busted my knee. I can't walk on it.

7. I can't come into work today, I fell getting out of the shower, slipped, and hit my head off the sink. I am told not to drive and stay home due to concussion symptoms.

8. I can't make it to work today my shoulder is in so much pain from getting hurt at my hockey game last night.

9. I'm not coming into work today, I sprained my ankle playing soccer last night.

10. I'm not coming to work today, I hurt my _________ (bodypart) while at dance last night.

11. I won't be coming into work today, I hurt my _________ (bodypart) during my volleyball game.

12. I won't be coming into work today, my driveway was very slippery and I slipped and twisted my knee and can barely move.

13. I can't come into work, I was working with the saw on something in the garage and I sliced my finger(bodypart) and almost hit bone so I'm going to the hospital today. (wear a bandedge or a gauze pad until it "fully heals"

14. I got into a small accident, my airbag deployed and hit me in the face, I'm hurt so I'm going to go check it out, maybe get x-rays for my neck, because my neck is really stiff.

15. I woke up with aching neck pains today, I'm going to go check this out with a doctor or kiropracture.

16. My car struck a light pole when I loss control of the wheel, the car is getting towed to my mechanics and I'm on the way to hospital for my back pains. The accident was't my fault I was t-boned. I'm not coming in today.

17. I have a bunch of splinters in my fingers because I was touching unfinished wood. Its very painful and I'm on the way to the hospital so they can remove all of them.

18. I can't come into work today, I fell down the stairs getting ready to go to work, now I'm on my way to the hospital for my ankle and back pains.( Call in the next day to inform work that you will need more days off for the injury 2-5 days off)

19. I can't come in, My coffee/tea spilt on my lap before work and it really hurts so I'm going to go get it checked out, hopefully I get medicated cream for my burn.

20. I shut my fingers on the door, 4 of my fingers are swollen and bruised. I'm going to get xrays, to check if they are broken. (come into work with your fingers covered until they "fully heal")

21. I was hit by a bus earlier, now I'm heading to hospital to check out my sore neck and back, and my bruised thighs. I can't come in work today.

22. I was in a parking lot and a car ran over my foot, I'm in so much pain on my way to get it checked out and the doctors, maybe even xrays, if the doctor isn't sure. I can't come in today.

23. I can't come into work today, I injured my ankle/knee doing aerobics this morning, so I'm going to my doctor to check out my injury. It feels like a sprain, it's hard to walk on it.

24. I woke up and I can't move, I am inflexible, I can't bend any of my joints. This happened once before and I call the ambulance to give me medication. I'll be better for tomorrow, I'm sorry today, I cannot move.

25. I was eating at a near by restaurant and I broke my tooth on a chicken bone, the pain is aggrevating and I'm going to the dentist/orthodontist to see if I can fix the tooth and heal my pain.

26. I stepped on a jagged rock getting ready to leave my house, taking the trash out in socks. I'm in alot of pain and it won't stop bleeding so I'm going to call someone over with experience if that doesn't work i'll go check it out. I can't come into work today.(sound in pain)

27. My kneecap fell out of place when I was excercising earlier, It hurts to walk so I'm going to see if my _______(family member) can put it back in place, if not take me to the hospital. (Heavy breathing and sound in pain)

28. My earrings were torn off when I was taking off my sweater/t-shirt before work. My ears are bleeding and I need to get stitches, my ________(family member) is giving me a ride to the hospital. I cannot come in today. (Wear tape on your earlobs until they "fully heal")

29. An experiment gone wrong last night, burnt my hands and it's very painful. I was experimenting with combustion materials. I went to the doctor and they gave me cream for the burn but said it will take a week to use my hands again. (1-5 days)(When you go back to work, cover your hands in white gauze pads until it "fully heal")

30. I had sexual intercourse with a larger lady/man and everything seriously hurts it's because they were on top. I'm going to check it out because I'm in pain, I'm not coming in.

31. I was drinking a bottle of _______ and I wasn't paying attention when a bee went into my drink, I took a sip and it stung the inside of my mouth. I can't come to work today, I can't speak and my mouth really hurts. (speak so they barely understand you)

32. I was working on my day off and I fell off of my roof. I dislocated my sholder and I can't really move. I got my nieghbor who is a doctor to pop it back in place but he told me I would be recovering for one week. (1 week off)

33. I was working on the tree house and fell over the railing. I'm getting a drive to the hospital. My side and ribs hurt, I'm going to see if I broke any bones. (Speak raspy and as if you are in pain, 1-5 days)

34. I was walking by water, fell in and the current pulled me down, I finally got out just now, I think there's some water stuck in my lungs, I'm going to check it out. I need the day off. (heaving breathing)

35. I was changing the oil in my car and the hot oil spilt all over my chest, I'm all burnt and so I'm going to get some cream for the burn. My chest hurts when I'm move around, I'm not coming in today. (1-3 days remember to use make up to act as a burn)

36. While bowling last night the guy from the next lane over accidentally let a bowling ball go in my direction. I tried to dogde it but it hit me right in my stomach. I thought sleeping it off would have cured my pains, but it did not. I'm still in pain, I'm going to get some medication so I can't come in today.

37. I slammed my car trunk on my fingers, I'm in alot of pain and I'm going to get xrays to see if I broke any of my fingers. (You tell your employer that they are not broken, but swollen. The next few days, you go to work with gauze pads over your 4 fingers until they "fully heal")

38. I aggravated my pulled hamstring last night at hockey/basketball/soccer. I can't tolerate the pain when I try walking, so I'm going to stay off it. I'm not coming in.

39. I got into a bar fight last night because some idiot smashed my head with a beer bottle. Then when I punched the guy, he reacted by biting my ear off like Mike Tieson. A friend recovered the ear and luckily I reached the hospital in time to stich my ear back on my head. I need a week off until the stitches recover. (Wear tape on your ear when you go back to work until it "fully heals")

40. One of the letters from a _______(fast food restaurant) fell off and hit me as I was walking out, my shoulder and back are in serious pain, I'm going to complain to the restaurant and I'm going to call my lawyer. I'm taking the day off. Sorry I can't come in.

41. I fought a racoon off on my garbage butt it kind of bit me and I'm scared for rabbies because the racoon was acting pretty crazy. I'm going to go check out this bite mark, and if I have contracted anything. I'm not going to make it today.

42. A tree fell on me when I was taking my morning walk, I fell to the floor and twisted my knee. I'm taking the day off not to walk on it. It hurts.

43. I pulled a muscle doing yoga earlier, it's very painful when I walk, so I'm not coming into work today.

44. I went ice skating last night, there was a crack on the ice and I fell and injured my back. I'm going to get some medication for the pain so I'm not coming into work today, but I'll be there tomorrrow.

45. I was jumping on a large trampoline, one leg fell through the side of the trampoline and I twisted my knee off the bounce. I'm in deep pain, and I'm going to get xrays and medication. (Say it wasn't as serious as it felt when it happened)

46. I was on a swingset earlier and I was swinging so high that I flipped off and landed on my ass. It hurts alot I'm going to get it checked out. I'm not making it today.

47. I was playing in the jungle gym at the park by my house this morning and I went down the poll, landed on my foot really bad, and twisted it. It's bruised but I'm on my way to check out it if is fractured. (1week-4weeks)

48. I woke up to my necklace chocking** me so I rolled out of bed and landed on my face, I think I broke my nose, so I'm going to see my doctor so he can put it in place. I'm not coming in today. (go to work with your nose covered for a week after)

49. I was wrestling with my girlfriend/boyfriend and she/he pushed me off the bed and I landed on my side, it really hurts to breathe. I'm going to get it checked out. I'm can't come in. (speak low and scratchy 1-3 days off for a bruised rib)

50. My nipple peircing ripped out while taking off my pyjamas and I'm going to check it out because I think it's infected. It hurts, so I'm not making it in today.

51. My vagina/penis piercing ripped out this morning caused by rough sex. It's so painful, I can't think or walk straight. I need to go get it looked at. I'm not coming in.

52. I got my penis stuck in my fly, it's very painful and it really hurts. I can't come in, because ________ is giving me a ride to the hospital.

53. I was arguing with some ignorant guy at the gas station because he took my spot. He came out of no where and with the strength of a boxer sucker punched me right in my face. I'm not coming in, I'm going to check out my jaw. (use make up to act as bruise)

54. I was cutting trees in my backyard and I slipped back and landed on my tail bone. I need to go check it out, I'm not coming into work today.

55. I accidentally fell asleep with my contact lens on, when I woke up the contact lens was stuck, not visible under my eyeball. I'm scared and I can't open my left/right eye and I'm going to the optomotrist to help me out. I can't come into work today. (when you go into work the next day, come with an eye patch on your eye, and tell them the optomotrist got it out okay but it's going to heal in a few days, hey they might send you home because your wearing an eye patch)

56. I slipped on the wet grass and landed on my bum and back, I'm injured and I can barely move. I'm not coming in.

57. I can't come into work today, I was injured playing football (tackle or touch) yesterday, I hurt my ______(back,arm, leg, wrist, ankle, etc) and it is _______(sprained, broken, fractured, bruised). I'm in alot of pain, I will not be coming in for __ days. (speak as if you are in pain)

58. I woke up with terrible hip pains, I called my kiropracter and he said he had room to see me today. I'm going in to see the kiropracture because I wouldn't be able to manage the pains at work today. I can't come in.

59. I was called in for massage therapy today for my horrible back pains, it was good timing because I could barely walk from the pain today. I'm not coming in, but I think I'll be better for tomorrow. (Injury from the past)

60. I can't come in, I went bowling last night and I threw my back, I'm in so much pain. My doctor told me to rest for a few days and take medication. (1-4 days)

61. A while earlier I went out for a jog and while jogging, I stepped on a rock, twisted my ankle then fell to the floor. It's bruised and I'm going to need today off because it's starting to bruise/swell up. (Sound in pain)(1-5 days off)

62. I was walking down the street and a random guy mistaked me for someone else, and started to beat me up with karate moves. I'm hurt and bruised up, I'm not coming into work today.

63. I wore new dress shoes last night, and I have calluses/blisters at the back of my feet. All my shoes are really hurting my feet and I'm going to get some padding for my shoes and some cream for my heel. I'm not coming in today.

64. I was at the grociery store buying milk, and in the dairy section the floor was all wet due to a spill. It wasn't cleaned nor did it say wet floor. I was walking away and totally lost all my grib, slipped and landed on my bum. It really hurts to walk, I'm going to see my doctor and my lawyer today, I can't come in.

65. I went to the movie theatre last night, and while walking down the steps, missed a step and fell all the way down the bottom row. I was fine last night but I woke up with all this back pain. I called my doctor and he/she told me to take 1 or 2 days off and take some medication.

66. I went hiking yesterday, and going through a rocky area, I slipped and twisted my ankle. It's a light sprain but I'm in lots of pain and it's starting to bruise and swell. Doctor recommended a few days off (1-3 days)

67. I was out last night and it was raining. My skin started to burn and I didn't know why, I put two and two together and realized that it was acidic rain. I'm going to check it out and go get some cream for the burn. I'm not coming in today. (actually buy a cream for burns and show your employers the cream that healed your "burn" if they ask about it)

68. I accidentally stepped on my child/nephew's toy car and slipped. I landed on my tail bone and it really hurts to walk. I'm going to stay home, ice it and take some medication. I can't come in.

69. I was rollerblading last night and I didn't see the ditch on the road and fell right on my face. My knees are still killing me and I need to go check it out. I can't come in. (When you go back to work, wear knee-braces and show your boss for authentic purposes. You can find knee-braces at the dollar store, so you don't have to break the bank.)

70. I was hanging out with a few friends before work, and one of my friends threw a pen at me, it hit my eye and I was in serious pain. When the ambulance got here, they told me I popped an eye vessel. I can't come into to work. (wear an eyepatch when you go back to work, only until it fully "heals")

71. I had a matress fire last night due to my partner's cigarrette. I woke up when it was on fire from the pain. I jumped off and put it out right away but my back still hurts. I'm not coming in.

72. I fell off my bike earlier on and hit my head. Luckily I was wearing a helmet but I'm dizzy and disoriented. I'm better off not coming in today.

73. My shin is hurting so badly because I kicked my deck instead of kicking the ball like I intended. I'm not coming into work today, I'm in alot of pain.

74. I fell over the deck rail trying to clip on these flower pots. I have horrible neck pains and I'm in bed. I'm not coming in. I went bunjee jumping yesterday at _______(amusement park or place) and it feels like I sprained my body. My doctor said not to go bunjee jumping again and to rest on a bed, taking medication for a few days. I can't come in. (1-4 days)

75. I slipped in the shower and hurt my back, I'm in so much pain that I'm resting in bed. I'm not coming in today.

76. My shoulder popped out this morning and I'm getting a ride to see someone (doctor, medic) that can pop it back in for me. I'm hurt and I can't come into work today.

77. One of my legs is numb and it's been numb for __ days. I need to go check it out because it's just getting worse. I can't come in.

78. I tripped over my shoelace and cracked my tooth, I'm hurt, and I'm getting a drive to the dentist. I'm not going to be able to come in.

79. My power went off on my house so I went to go see if a braker has tripped. I was electrified while working on the main panel of my house. My body feels funny and I'm going to get it checked out. I can't come in.

80. I can't come into work today, I was playing tennis and the ball hit me in the eye, so it's hard to see and I'm in pain. I'm going to see the optomotrist. (go back to work with an eye patch for a few days until it fully "heals")

81. I kicked the metal rail on the floor, I'm bleeding tons and I'm getting a ride to go get stitches. I need today off and depending on the pain tomorrow as well. (1-4 days off - come back to work with gauze pads on your toes and try to come back in crutches)

82. I have to go to my pre-appointment for my surgery on my shoulder next week. I can't come into work today.

83. The stairs broke when I was galloping down them. I fell threw and my hips and knees are in deep pain. I'm not coming into work today.

84. I was trampled a little last night at a concert. My body is in pain, so I'm not coming into work today. (sound like you are in pain and find a concert that happened last night in your general area on the internet or newspaper)

85. I went to a concert last night. I had floor seats and I was mixed in with the mosh pit. I was pushed around and punched. I'm in alot of pain and I'm not coming into work. (find a concert from the night before)

86. I can't come into work, I went out spanish dancing and twisted my ankle last night. I'm in some pain, it hurts to walk. I need a couple days off.

87. I played a virtual dance game last night, fell over on my shoulder and side. I had to lay down in the backseat from the pain on the way home. I'm in bed resting, I can't come into work today.

88. I went to go watch a parade yesterday and I was accidentally pushed into the parade. I was stepped on and a bunch of the people in the parade fell on me. I'm not coming into work today I am hurt.

89. I accidentally laid my hand on the grill/stove when I was cooking and I burnt my self pretty bad. I'm going to get some cream for the burn. I'm not coming in today. (when you go back to work, you need to put make up on your palm, horizontal or vertical lines to act as the grill. You also cover up your hand with white medical cover for 1 week)

90. I was in the pool earlier and as I was getting out, I slipped and knocked my head. I have a big bump. I'm dizzy and I'm going to rest off the pulsating migraine.

91. I closed my front doors on my fingers, it feels like I broke my fingers. I have to go check it out, I can't come into work today. (Show up to work with gauze pads on your fingers for a week, until your fingers "heal" and the "swelling" stops)

92. I tried to be acrobatic and do some intense gymnastics and I pulled a few muscles, I'm hurt, I'm not coming into work today.

93. I was cooking and I burnt my leg with boiling water. The pain is intolerable and I'm going to get cream for the burn, I'm not coming into work today. (when you go into work next, make sure you put make up on, appearing to be burnt on your leg.)

94. I tried to be an olympic diver yesterday at the community pool. I jumped off the dive board and when I landed in the water I pulled my back doing so. I'm in alot of pain and I need atleast a week to recover)

95. I was hanging in the hammock earlier and one of the supports broke and my back went crashing onto the ground. It really hurts and I'm going to need today off.

96. I was fishing yesterday and my buddies fishing hook got stuck in my lip and I'm going to see if it's infected because its bruised and swollen. I'm not coming in today.

97. I bit on a hard seed from a ______(mango, peach, etc) and my jaw locked and it really hurts(speak with as little movement with your jaw as possible)

98. I jerked my pelvis the wrong way during intercourse and I'm having troubles standing. I'm laying in bed in pain, so I'm not coming into work today.

99. I was on the step ladder, changing a light bulb and fell foward, landing on my face and sholders. My neck really hurts and my _________(family member) is giving me a ride to the hospital. I'm not able to come into work today. (When you show up the next day, say you sprained something in your neck and your lucky it wasn't worse. Remember to wear a neck brace for the next few days at work)

100. I was on the step ladder leaned against the wall. The base/feet of the step ladder slipped and my leg was got caught between the ladder and the floor when it was rapidly falling. My leg is relly bruised and it hurts when I apply any type of pressure. I'm going to need a few days off. (2-4 days, remember to use make up on your leg to act as the bruise)

101. I was strolling threw a park when suddenly a dog came running out of nowhere and bit me. I was paid cash not to report it, because if I did the dog would get put down. I'm hurt and bleeding, I'm going to go check it out, I can't come in. (sound hurt and remember to wear make up and cover it up with medical wrap)

102. I stapled my finger, and its bleeding refusly. I covered it up but I have to change the paper towel every 2 minutes. I need to go get it checked out, I can't come into work today.

103. I was walking threw a field and I was struck by a few javeling. I'm bleeding and I can't come in, I need to go check it out. (javelins- spear thrown by hand-athletic sport)

104. I went for a run and I ran up a hill. When I started running down my speed quickly increased and I had to jump, or my joints would have dislocated from the speed. When I jumped I rolled many times, pulling muscles and bruising my self. I'm going to rest the pain off, I'm not coming into work today.

105. I pulled out my wisdom teeth yesterday and my cannot open my mouth properly to speak. I'm not able to come in from the pain in my mouth. (speak as if you can't open mouth)

106. I stumbled over the chair and fell and broke my glass table, cutting my self up in the process. I'm bleeding all over the place and I'm going to get some of this glass taken out of my skin. I can't come in today. (When you go back, remember to put on make up acting as cuts and medical wrap over the "worst" parts.)

107. I stubbed my big toe into the ground playing soccer yesterday and I can't walk because my big toe is very hurt. I'm in alot of pain. I need a few days off. (Your big toe balances your body. If you pull out your big toe to show your employers when you come back, make sure to have medical wrap on your toe)

108. I was playing goalkeeper for my friends soccer team last night. I dove for the ball and hit my head against the post and I woke up with a big bump and really bad headaches. I'm in pain, and I'm taking the day off.

109. I was running the track when I fell down, twisting my ankle in the process. I'm in pain, I can barely walk, I'm not coming into work today.

110. I was playing bocci ball with my _______(family member) and he/she whipped the heavy ball very hard, and hit me right in the foot. It hurts alot and I'm going to check it out. I'm not coming into work today.

111. I went to my martial art class earlier and injured myself in an attack exercise. I'm in alot of pain and going to take the day off. I can't come in.

112. It was so windy today I was walking outside my house and I was tripped by a garbage bin, and landed on my rearend and it hurts so much to walk, I can't make it into work today.

113. I'm not going to make it today, I tried to walk to the bus stop but the sidewalks are too slippery and I slipped, fell on my back and barely could walk back to my house.

114.I was hurdling in my backyard, tripped and fell right on my face. I'm in alot of pain so I'm not coming into work today.